What makes your Monday worse?

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaah~ Mengeluh panjang I. 

Penat lah. This whole half day of Monday makes me feels so tired. My Monday memang 'perfect' hari ni. Why?

Wake up early.

Then sakit perut.

Then siap lambat ke kerja.

Then realise yang I got habuk je dalam purse. Kesian. Lupa nak withdraw.

Then tengok kereta out of gas.

Pastu touch and go plak tak de credit.

GREAT!

Sampai office plak orang ni suruh itu, suruh ini, buat itu, buat ini. Kena marah lagi as if tak reti buat keja and on top of everything, i got urgent call which i missed semua kerana CELCOM. I donno why i did not received any of those calls. Tau-tau je dpt tons of messages of missed calls.

Sekian.

Armani boy dah besar

Armani boy will turn 5 month next week. Oh boy, cepatnya masa berlalu

kan? Nearly 5month dah I'm being a mom. Best!

Armani boy can turn from his back during his 3month. Cepat kan? I'm

impressed! Genius little boy he is. He loves songs and words! No joke!

I start showing him YBCR since after pantang till now. During his

4month, he reaponded to the vids! Syukur! He's a genius little boy!

He is now weighted 6.5kg. Yup,his size is just an average size je. I

tak kisah as long as he's healthy.

My babysitter start to feed him solid food during he's 4month and I get

really upset because of it! Tak bagi chance langsung for me to decide

bila nak bagi dia makan. Alhamdulillah after my mom cakap dont feed

him solid food just yet, my babysitter listened to her. If tak my

babysitter tu asyik nak dia je betul. Ok malas cerita more on that.

Janji my boy makan on his 6month I dah puas hati. Tengah pikir what to

feed him.

Armani boy suka jerit-jerit. He's a happy baby. Dia active, suka

lompat-lompat sampai penat siapa yang mendukungnya. Sekarang ni semua

pun dia nak rasa-masuk mulut. Think I need to buy him something untuk

dia play. He's eager to know how everything tastes like. Kalau I

dukung dia, he'll 'makan' my tudung or shirt. He gets louder when he's

sleepy. Yeap..mulut dia akan bising nak bercakap-cakap. Once he gets

tired, he'll need me for his memilk and dengan senang dia tidur.

Oooohhh my baby boy..I'm just missing him so much hari ni. Tak sabar

nak pulang and hug him and see him do funny faces. Windu~

Fa Wau Nun Dal Ya Kaf

Firstly, my appology to all readers for such a 'nice' word for a title of my entry today. Sejujurnya, haku memang sangat hangin dengan Kolig-Kolig ku. 

I know, every where also got the same problem. Tak apalah. Apa yang I nak state here is that, sesape yang berjawatan pegawai tu jangan lah nak 'act' sangat. Walaupun kamu senior, kena hormat jugak orang bawah kita sebab tanpa mereka kamu akan kesusahan nak buat kerja. Kata work as a team, jadi buat lah cara team mate. Jangan nak berlagak bos sangat hoccay! Come on, everyone also want KPI tinggi. Jangan suck up sangat hoccay. Rimas babe, rimas! 

Jangan nak tunjuk pandai sangat because you never know that actually that person sebenarnya lagi bagus dari hang. Ingat tu! Kang malu sendiri baru tau. Setakat kerja kat kompeni Sendirian Berhad half of your life dengan meleis je, jangan nak berlagak sangat. Nak KIASU pun berpada-pada lah.

Ok lah..buang karan je blog about this. Dengan itu saya sudahi entri saya ini. Daaa~

Lagi cerita pasal Breastfeeding!

Again? Hangpa layan je lah ek. Kalau tak mau tak pa. 

Yes, today nak cerita lagi pasal breastfeeding. Owh sedey! Sedey babe baca entri kak Farah Farhan Sarakids tu. Terharu pun ye. Walaupun I tak dapat nak join the event, tak nak pergi sebab sedey I tak fully breastfeed my baby, I still follow the updates. Memang teringin sangat tapi tak pe lah. Maybe next time.

Betul cakap dia, perjalanan breastfeeding ni tak mudah. As for me memang tak mudah. Tak mudah maintain production. Tak mudah nak control makan sebab whatever yang kita makan akan jadi susu which baby juga akan dapat. Tak mudah sebab nak menyusukan baby ni kena banyak sangat bersabar dan juga beristiqamah. Jangan riak dengan stok susu yang banyak juga untuk menyusukan baby, kena pasang niat yang betul sedari awal kita mengandung.

Perjalanan menyusukan baby I memang tak mudah mungkin di sebabkan niat yang tak betul sedari awal. Ya betul, niat yang salah sedari awal. Memang I insaf babe! Insaf gila. Pengajaran buat I. Lets just not talk about it lagi. Barang yang lepas, jangan lah di kenang-kenang. Cuma, belajar dari kesilapan.

Walaupun tak fully breastfeed, I'm thankful for it jugak. At least I still ada susu. I mean I still can direct feed my baby. Tak kisah cukup or tak, I feed my baby directly whenever he's with me. Campur jugak with FM but I wont stop pump and direct feed him. I believe susu ada je. Sentiasa bersyukur ada lagi susu untuk di feed baby. Till the last drop babeh! Till the last drop. And in between that, mommy wont stop at any cause to create demand for the milk.

Haih~ inilah I whenever cite pasal breastfeeding. 

Tengok lah si tenit I yang mengubat segala stress I. As long as dia sihat walafiat, fully breastfeed or not, I tak kisah but selagi ada, he'll get every drop. 

Mommy loves Armani boy!

 

Dan sebenarnya...

Ya, dan sebenarnya ini bukan entri about Yuna- Dan Sebenarnya tau. Saje letak picture dia just because i like her jacket. Huhu~

Dan sebenarnya draft after draft after draft have I made but none of I I post. Bukan tak mau finish what I've start but more to takde mood nak tengok balik and amend here and there or even add up apape. Jadi kesudahan nya terbengkalai je. Lately ni memang takde mood at all. Works are hiking up. Time pulak never seems enough to me. Kadang-kadang I wish to have more night time to spend more quality time with my son and have lotsa time more for myself. If only I can devide myself into 2. If only lah kan? Anak needs more time with his mommy, tapi apa dayaku kerja tak berapa mengizinkan. Mommy terpaksa pretend rajin sebab nak KPI tinggi balik lambat just because dengan cara tu je dorang judge you bagus ke tak bagus kerja. Crap kan? Ya tell me about it.

Dan sebenarnya its gonna be a long entry nih. Entry luahan perasaan. Perasaan seorang mommy.

#1

Dan sebenarnya i feel like a total failure for not being able to fully breastfeed my baby. Susu kurang, tak cukup susu, production susu sikit or whatever they call it, the supply didnt meet the demand of my baby. I dont know why, I dont know if it's me or not. Entah lah, dah tak de rezeki kot but mommy will not simply give up ya. Perah je setiap hari selagi ada and selagi keluar. Mommy keeps praying for the milk supply ada selama yang mungkin. I'll feed him with my milk or whats left with me till the last drop. Tak pe lah nak tak dapat banyak, sikit pun jadilah ye.

#2

Dan sebenarnya...sometimes I feel rimas. Rimas dengan interference from both side of parents. I feel so berdosa saying this, but hey this is just me spilling out on how i felt. Baik my side baik Mr.H's side. Sama je semua! No offense ye. True that somehow, sometimes we really needed our parent as a guideline for us. Need their advice, need their help but at the same time, we dont need them at all. Confusing? Yeah, me too. I need them and I dont need them. Cane tuh? Made up your mind gurl! Ok maybe I can put it this way, I need their help and advice but I needed it for me to do it on my own. Not telling me what to do and what's not. Not telling me it's not the right way to raise your kid. I dont need that. I need an opinion, I need them to share their experiences. Not simply do whatever they think right for my baby. Kecik hati ok! Come on, give your kid a little trust here. I'm a mother now. I need to learn to raise my kid myself. I need not to repeat their mistakes in raising kids so that the next generation will be better than us. Kalau keep doing apa yang nenek moyang kita dok buat dulu, sampai bila nak berkembang. Improvise ye..Improvise! Not that apa yang dibuat turun temurun tu tak bagus. Yang bagus kita amiklah. Yang tak bagus tu eloklah kita tinggalkan. Pening ok dealing with all these. Tapi I tak  tau nak buat cane. Dan sebenarnya, lebih banyak lagi dari apa yang tersurat di sini.

#3

Dan sebenanya...saya sangat penat nak pretend and trying my best to fit in with this environment kerja. Dan sebenarnya...stress kerja memang tak boleh kita lari. Hadaplah walau camne pun. Redha je. Dan sebenarnya setelah I  menaip sampai sini, terus rasa takde mood nak cite pasal kerja ni. Terlalu banyak mengundang negative vibes lah. Lagi pun nanti haku buat dosa pulok mengata depa-depa yang kat sini. Baik lah tak yah.

#4

Dan sebenarnya...diri ini sudah lapar kerana sudah sampai waktu makan. Oleh itu, I'm off to lunch ye peeps. Thanx for reading, if  you manage to read up to this point. Haha..Thank you. I really appreciate it.

Perasaan seorang...(E.2)

As I'm writing this, si tenit kesayangan ni tengah berada di pangkuan.

Waaaah..ini budak memang sangat suka lah kalau duduk bawah ketiak mommy dia. Bau ashem pun dia lah yang paling suka duduk kat mommy dia. I feel so special! Hehe..

Ok kita continue last entry ya.

Memang weiy..stressful sangat. Memang rasa nak menangis. Memang dah nangis pun bila baby tak mau tido and nak 'memilk' (nenen lah tu..saje i panggil memilk,tak lh sama ngan semua orang panggil nenen je) dia je tapi tak minum, nak 'ngempeng' orang jawa kata. Dalam bahasa melayu, erm..apa ek? Entah, korang cari lah sendiri ye. Tak larat sebab nak pegang je si anak tu. Tidur duduk tu memang dah pro lah! You dont even keep track of the time pun. Time really flies! Sedar-sedar je si tenit ni dah nak 1month dah esok. Cepatnya masa berlalu!!! Cuti 2bulan memang tak cukup!! Boley tak kalau nak cuti 3tahun? Hahaha.. yerlah, kan the 1st 3years tu is the most crucial time for your baby. It's their golden years. During that 3 years lah the only time kita nk develop baby kita, kita nak teach baby without any effort as their brain is connecting each cells kat dalam tu. Ok, i'm not good at explaining this. Sila rujuk pakar, Puan Watie - the Early Childhood Education expert. 

Syukur Alhamdulillah after the 1st week tu things are getting better. Memang sangat thankful kat family for the support, kawan-kawan yang keep on giving me advice juga moral support and owh..not to forget Sang suami yang mempunyai kesabaran yang tinggi melayan segala kerenah, being a helping hand untuk ke sana ke mari, living in 2 places at once..hebat! Superdad lah you! muah! We love you daddy! But of course once a while baby akan meragam like its growth spurt time - honestly, i dont really know when is it actually. Did some reading on it, but entah..sometimes it feels like my baby is having growth spurt all the time. 

Begitulah when you have a baby around. I'm adapting to it. It's fun sebab bangun tidur je bila tengok muka si tecik ni, memang rasa tenang and blessed! Hidup lebih bermakna! Patutlah orang never talk about the zombie part sangat sebab tengok muka baby je dah lupa semua. Tak caya? tengok ni..tengok ni..

Armani boy got action

Memang daddy's boy. That pose memang exactly like his dad

He never cry during shower time. So cute lah kamu boy!

This is what he always do..yawning!

Owh sangat lah precious semua moment tu to me. I bet I'm gonna cry bila naik kerja nanti. Uwaaaa..mau cuti 3 tahun!! Encik H, boleh tak I jadi SAHM? or WAHM? Tak sampai hati nak kasi si tenit ni kat orang lain jaga! Tak puas lagi nak jaga si tomel ni!!


Tabik spring lah kat working mommies out there. I wonder if i can handle it. If only my workplace tu best! Owh well, dilemma seorang mommy.

No more facebook!

Facebook is like a magnet kan? No, it's more than that. It's a NEED now. Everywhere facebook, everything also facebook. Yeap..it's a part of ourlives nowadays.

As for me now, facebook is very stressful! So I've decided not to facebook-ing for a few days. At least till i give birth to this lil ones. Kenapa stressful? I tell you why.

I posted statuses of what I've been doing or thinking at the moment.

>> people replied with the question which i donno the answers

I posted pictures 

>> they comment on it with question which i donno the answers as well

I posted comments on pictures of them

>>they still ask that bloody question which I donno the answers!!

Depressing and stressful ke tak? Sila bagitau? So, no more facebook to me! Follow me on twitter kalau nak tau status I. I really need a peace of mind right now. To tell you the truth, I dont mind the questions actually. It's not your fault. I've been in the place where we wanted to know what's the status now. It's me that cant take it because me too been asking the same question over and over again.

Karang bila dah sampai masa karang, tak terkata apape baru tau.Hehee~

Right now, lets just not update anything on facebook yet. Tweet me @y4yemma for updates.

Sorry for the red ink.

There's thing not worth looking back

Oh yes, ada banyak benda yang tiba-tiba nak diperkatakan.

Kesal, yes that's the word I have been looking for. Memang kesal sangat. I have blog about this before kot, tak ingat dah. Hehe.

I have a friend, used to be my best friend. At least I thought she is. Suddenly, things became sour and I dont know what went wrong. Dah tried reaching her but failed. Then I decided to email her saying sorry and hoping things getting better between us. Unfortunately, I dont think she wanted to be friend with me anymore. 

Then i guess that's it. No more friendship. I really am sorry for things Ive said that have hurt her feelings. I thought she knew me better. 

Oh well..I'm not looking back now. Im moving forward and Im not going to regret it. Yes, maybe it's my fault for saying things that hurt her feelings and yes I regretted things ive said but if you still giving me the silent mode, then i guess im tired of your game. 

My emotional day

Pernah tak korang rasa like you just dont care anymore about others, about working life korang and you just wanna be where you are now and just not thinking about any of it except for yourself?

Today is my day. 

Tak tau kenapa sangat emosi hari ni. The thing is, I feel so responsible dengan my work at the office and at the same time I just feel like I dont give a damn at all. Complicated? Yeah, I thought so too. I want to be a person with good reputation dengan my work. I mean good record and all. Nak give my very best. Tell me how I can be that person if I cant even feel happy coming to work?

My company is not such a big company pun, but quite well known in construction line. Overall, I like being there. Ape nih kejab suka kejab tak, confusing lah. Yeap, me also confuse dengan myself. I like the overall about the company I just dont like my department.

I was with the company's subsidiary before then got transferred to HQ. Lucky me, the benefits are better. I really appreciates it but things started to go sour from day to day. Tak boleh balik on time because orang lain semua balik at least 7pm everyday, i was told that the workload are heavy so they usually go home late than the working hours. Bukan saya tak mau balik lambat, tapi i have live to live. Tolong lah, It has been 8 hours dah dedicate time i untuk work, cant I just go home when the time comes and spend it with my love ones? 

Tak boleh main internet during kerja, fine! I open my email during lunch hour. Tak boleh selalu texting, tak boleh nak sembang sangat, buat kerja kena committed, buat kerja kena focus, buat kerja kena efficient, cepat. I have tried my best but it doesnt seems enough. Ada je yang salah, ada je yang nak kena point out during meeting. Sometimes I look back at myself, betul ke I always like that? Betul ke Im not efficient enough? Betul ke? At 1 time, i just dont give a damn anymore. I feel so tired trying to be like they want me to be. Good employee, efficient employee, balik lambat employee. I just cant take it anymore. 

I have no friend there, I mean in my department..I have no friend. I dont trust any of them because everyone doesnt look like they can be trusted. I have tried befriended with them but they are at my moms age! I donno what topic to talk, I dont like asking them about their kids, about their lives or anything that is related at their age. Im a mother-to-be, excited to have a new person in lives, excited to have new experience where they already been thru all that phase. Sometimes you get it from your mom the phrase like ' alaa, biasalah tu budak..tak yah manja kan sangat' or something yang cliche emak-emak selalu cakap tu. It just kill your mood. Having someone like you or your age will be much better kan? You can share your experience. Well sometimes you just want someone to talk to, share the excitement and when you need an advice, Im sure you'll turn to your mom jugak tapi bila you have like 3 or 4 like your mom kat office tu, tak ke tension? 

I'm not saying that these senior shouldnt be working anymore, it's just that 'arrgghhh..dont turn me into 35yo person when Im still at my 20's'..Do you get what i mean? Ahh~ sungguh complicated. Life is complicated. Entah lah~ sometimes I feel like I'm the one with problems not them. Konon not blaming sape-sape. I guess if you cant join them, just get the hell out of there. Imma do it after the confinement. I just cant take it anymore. Everyday it drain my positivity out of me. Penat..Penat absorb everything. My head sometimes feels like want to explode!

Am I guilty?

Today dah overdue by 2 days dah. It means my baby dah lebih 9 bulan 10 hari by 2 hari dalam perut mommy nya. 

I have not start taking leave yet but dah memonteng 2 hari dah ni. Semalam got an MC and hari ni memang terasa sangat-sangat lah malas nak pergi kerja because i know what they'll say and to be honest, quite stress jugak bila jumpa semua staff and they'll say 'aik, tak meletopz lagi kau?' 'eh, still here?' 'tot dah bersalin dah'...Arghhh..tekanan tau. I know maybe some of them is just concern (being positive ka?) maybe some of them is just saying (yang kau touching sangat tu kenapa).

Hmm...the baby is move less and less. Though I got that normal count which is at least 10 kicks per day, but the kicks are going less and less. Im worried hell!! I always ask my baby to come out quick. Am i guilty for that? Not that I dont like him being in there, it's just I'm worried sick if anything happens to him inside of me. I'll be blaming myself forever kalau macam tu. 

I've decided to have me induce in these couple of days. If tak boleh tunggu lagi, then I guess the baby will come out earlier. Remember baby, not that i dont like you in me or feeling such a burden to have u in me..i just want you out and healthy without me worrying what will happen to you inside.

I hope everything will be ok.

Sila alert ya!

Ok maybe today I started off my day dengan mood yang kurang baik but that is not actually why I bengang sekarang ni. 

Last Saturday I received a mail, more like a note actually from the postman. 

Hajat di hati malas dah nak amik surat tu tapi tak tau lah nape rasa macam tak patut pulak kalau tak pergi amik. Jadi dengan terboyot-boyot haku membawa perut ni ke pejabat pos dan amik surat tu.

Turns out it's a wedding invitation card je! Haduh time tu rasa macam nak menyumpah je sape yang jemput haku datang kenduri dia tu. Tolong jangan susahkan orang lain boleh tak? Alert lah sikit yang untuk penghantaran surat atau kad atau dokumen, perlu menggunakan setem RM0.60 minima bagi setiap surat! Kalau dah tau nak jemput orang sila guna setem yang secukupnya. Takde u, lah nanti surat hang tersadai di pejabat pos and ianya menyusahkan orang lain jugak ok!!

Dah lah penerima kena pergi amik sendiri, kena denda lagi Membazir duit orang je! Arghhh..

Getting back into shape

Holla reader(s)!! Hahaha..

Nope, not yet. The baby bump is still here. Kicking actively siang dan malam. As long as dia ok kat dalam tummy mommy ni, I'm ok juga. Ikut kamu lah nak oi nak keluar bila pun. Mommy's gonna wait till you are ready. Jangan lama sangat ye, tak mo di induce lah darling. It means forcing you out when it is still not your time. Mommy kesian kat baby.

Anyway, though you are still in my tummy my dear baby, mommy harus bersedia untuk get back into shape. Harus nak oi. You got to have a vogue mommy tau baby dear. Hahaha.. Haruslah! Kalau tak mana mommy nak campak jeans Levis kesayangan mommy tu? Owh tidak!! Mommy pemakai jeans tegar dear!

haaa..tengok tu..sape nak pakai ni nanti? Siapa? Siapa?

Since nak get back into shape ni perlukan pemangkin yang maha hebat, jadi 1 of it is by being able to fit in all of my jeans balik!! HARUS!! Baby dearie, you kena tolong mommy hokay!! Owh, I even put it in my 2011 New Year's resolution list. Nasib baik lah provide 1 page je untuk azam baru, kalau banyak page ntah kan dapat achieve kan tidak semua tu. Harus achieve lah kan dah namanya berazam? Well, at least try to achieve it.

Ok, tidak lah menarik jika sesuatu yang di target itu tidak mempunyai reward bukan? Jadi, secara tidak sengaja tadi I dah ter...'ter' means tak sengaja find me a reward untuk getting back into shape!

Yes! Harus memilikinya apabila target telah tercapai nanti. Yang paling menarik sekali, I found sponsorship untuk itu!! Hehehe, though still pending, harus ku pujuk sampai dapat a solid YES for an answer.

Harus lah memiliki nya sebab get back into shape bukan setakat body ye puan-puan, kaki juga! Lihat kaki ku sekarang....

Now cuba cakap, harus kembalikan bentuk asal ke tak? Cakap..cakap..?

Oh ya, cakap pasal getting back into shape ni, have you all heard about Premium Beautiful? 

 source from mr.google

My friend here is an authorised dealer for the product. Well, imma put it in my list in case the target seems sungguh jauh untuk dicapai. I heard it's quite pricey. Mommy nih dah lah sayang duit sikit orang nya. Tapi kalau beli as an investment tak pe kan? Hehehe..Nak body lawa tak? Nak tak? Nak tak? Nak ke tak nak nih?

Haih..till then lah. Nak pergi tengok what else yang tak cukup before I go for confinement and anything yang boley di reward myself lagi untuk kembali langsing selepas melahirkan. 

Imma be a vogue mommah!! (hey bukan ammah tau, momma with an H pronounciation-nya!) Chaiyuk! Chaiyuk!!

B.O.S.A.N

Entry terpendek ever!

Esok ialah Hari Raya Aidil Adha.

Though takde lah semangat macam nak raya Aidilfitri kan, tapi impak dia agak maksima juga lah.

Seriously, boring gile weyyy!!

Tersangat lah malas nak buat kerja.

This short entry di buat lagi 10 minit nak pulang ke pangkuan suami terchenta.

Arghh..nape lah lambat sangat!



#2 Baby Mommy

After taking a shower just now I bersihkan my breast. My mom said it's normal during pregnancy to have your nipple some sort of kering and kuping sikit-sikit. Need to bersihkan sofly using baby oil and cotton bud or facial cotton. Tapi tadi as I'm bersihkan, dia keluar some sort of cecair, tak banyak, sikit je colour kuning-kuning macam golden yellow camtu. Normal ke? Takut jugak. Manalah tau something wrong ke. Takut lah i ter'press' my nipple tu kuat sangat. Tak sakit though. I hope it's normal. Try cari kat internet, tapi tak jumpa pulak. Last-last lain pulak yang ku cari. Teehee~

Wondering how's my baby inside. Sekarang dah makin active and bijak. Everyday before nak tidur I told my baby it's time to sleep. So sekarang bila malam time nak tidur tak lah active sangat. Pandai lah baby mommy ni. 

Dah masuk third trimester dah sekarang ni. Nervous jugak. Last week pergi check up, the doctor said that my baby's weight is around 1.4kg. Ok lah tu kot, lebih kurang je macam yang kat atas ni cakap.

Betul lah! Memang sekarang rasa macam nak semput je. Penat. Nafas tu macam tak cukup. Memang cepat penat! Itu pun masih ada hati nak pergi Petrosains. Hahaha.. 

Semalam ada hati ajak Mr. H pergi Petrosains. Entah apo mimpi pun tak tau lah. A solid NO for an answer lah kan. Dah tau dah, tapi saje je nak ajak. Keluar ke Tesco cari barang sikit. Haaa..Allah tu nak tunjuk, kau pikir kau tu larat sangat ke nak berjalan sini sana. Baru je jalan dalam dua aisle dah semput. I need to sit I said to him. Penat! Cam nak cukup nafas! Then kena bebel lah dengan Tuan Suami. Haaa, tu ada hati nak pergi Petrosains tu. Yemma, kau tahan je lah telinga tu sampai 5 tahun lagi. Hahahahaaaa..

Above picture ada said that psychologically, you may become cranky. Hehehe..memang betul. Cepat je nak marah. Agaknya dah penat, tu yang cepat je nak marah. Sian Mr. H. Bersabar ye. Kerenah ibu mengandung, macam ni lah.

Remembering November

Not in a good way I must say. Dalam pada I tengah happy welcoming November ni, ada perkara yang terjadi. Kinda frustrated with what has happened, but tak pelah. I take it as a challenge! Lepas ni jangan harap I akan balik lambat lagi! NO WAY!! 

Things happen macam ni..

I was in for work sharp pukul 8.30am. Then I had my breakfast (breakfast time is during anytime before office hour start till 8.45). Betul lepas 8.45am I went back to my workstation. Macam biasa, start the morning with checking my inbox, bukak google reader looking for any updated blog and open it in a new tab. Bila free sikit i can take my time to read up the blog(s).

I'm using gmail, ada gtalk (usually I gtalk with Mr.H, you know lah, lebih jimat lebih cepat). Nama pun dah husband, apa lah sangat nak di gtalk kan. Setakat cakap I'm coming home a bit late, I'm having lunch with sekian sekian, I'm off to lunch now, leceh lah system kat my office ni, eh dear u try baca this blog..kelakar! Ok fine, it's consider chit chatting, but it doesnt affect my assignment. I did finish my task on time. I buat everything siap. 

And so I'm doing my rutine at that time. Then came my senior...

"Ema, akak nak cakap sikit lah. Time kerja jangan lah nak ber'facebook-facebook'(mind you my office dah block smua social networking sites and I tak tau mana dia dapat the idea I'm FB-ing. Kalau on mobile pun I'm not doing it during work - ok tipu,ada lah during work but once a while. Bila agak-agak otak tepu), asyik main internet jer."

"Eh, manade saya main facebook, kat sini mana boleh bukak facebook"

"Abis tu yang kat tab bawah tu apa?"

"Itu email saya." sambil opening the tab showing her the email.

"Tak kisah lah apa pun, time kerja, kerja lah sebab TAK FAIR lah untuk kitorang. Kitorang kat sini banyak kerja."

"Eh, tapi kerja saya semua siap kan?"

"Tak kisah lah tu, daripada belakang orang tengok tak ni lah. Orang lain semua buat kerja (ye lah sangat tu, padahal ada je PC kat situ yang tak kena block FB and they were FB-ing terang terangan)"

"Hmm..Yelah"

My ears rasa panas sangat. My cheeks are blushing. She sounded me in front of the whole department with her loud and clear voice. Definitely semua orang dengar. That department is not that big. 

I admit that I'm wrong for misusing the company's internet facilities for my own personal use. But that doesn't mean I'm neglacting my work there. I do chat on gtalk once a while tapi bukannyer jejaskan my job. I admit I do google things for my personal interest still, I did finish up my work on time. 

What ever I do, I'm still putting my job on top of everything when I'm at work. I'm frustrated because of what she said 'It's NOT FAIR to others'. Tell me what is fair? They can go to cafeteria anytime they want to have breakfast, they spend nearly hours during tea break (which I dont take at all, maybe sometimes je) and chit chatting there. And working late to finish their work. Fair enuff lah sebab dorang dah take working hours dorang untuk break. So, pandai lah cover balik. I'm just peeking my gtalk once a while (alaa, macam korang  tengok message kat handphone lah). Cakap pasal handphone, bos I sound cakap jangan asyik tengok handphone je. Tak paham betul. It's called multitasking ya. Apa yang penting kerja siap on time. I may be a bit slow at first sebab I'm new to the system. I'm trying to learn as fast as I can but accusing me always internet-ing during work sangat lah dumb. It's all about online nowadays. To me ape yang penting, kerja siap. Kenapa perlu bezakan kerja sama banyak ke tak. Dah terang-terang dia SENIOR OFFICER kat situ, tangga gaji pun SENIOR juga, jadi worklad pun harus lah SENIOR! Why must there be issues on fair or not kerja SENIOR banyak dari executive entry level nih?

Haaaaaiiii..entah lah. Macam ni lah kalau kerja dengan company yang semua nya Melayu. I dont know why, but Melayu dan sifat dengki nya tak pernah luput. I've see this thing coming sebenarnya. Though I felt humiliated jugak (macam kena lempang laju-laju depan orang ramai), I feel funny. Funny how the world evolves, the technology evolves but not their mindset, not their views. Tak sepadan dengan arus perkembangan semasa. Terlalu lama agaknya berada di comfort zone. 

I'm blaming myself for being too advance in this matter. Ye lah, I'm forecasting my future, but they are forecasting next few hours. 

I guess that is why makin ramai yang give up working under an organization. The beaurocracy, the politics, the suck-up asses is too tiring. All you want to do is work, earn and live a happy live. These people, wont let you do so. Jadi to survive, my husband always said...

Quit or suck it up unless you have other choice.

Suck it up je lah. I got no choice.

#2 - Have you ever?

Part 2 entry of my previous one. How I sangat emotional about Meleys yang sangat typical around me! (yes I'm a Meley too). 

Straight to the point jo lah ek. Another thing yang I sangat emosi pasal Meleys ni sebab perasaan mereka. Perasaan apakah? Perasaan yang tidak sihat! Berpenyakit! Boleh letak kat pusat penyakit Kusta sana nun (bukan niat ku nak memperkecilkan pesakit Kusta ni ek. Sila jangan salah paham). Perasaan yang tidak boleh melihat orang lain senang or lebih or anything yang akan memercikkan perasaan cemburu di dalam hati nurani mereka. I'm not saying semua Meleys (cecey..kamu nak cakap kamu terkecuali ke cik kak?), tapi kebanyakkannya macam tu.

Ok kita kasi example di bigger scope sikit. Dalam perniagaan, contoh ek, kalau di lihat warga cha ya nun alif..apa je yang korang mintak nak beli jarang lah dia kata tak ada. Semua nya ada. Pelik? Kenapa musti pelik? Memang ada pun TAPI bukan kedai mereka, kedai warga mereka di nun sebelah sana. See, sikap yang sangat harus dicontohi. Bukan macam kita. Ish ish..no good tau.

Macam I (kesinambungan dari hujah yang lepas) , dah lah tak boleh balik awal (sape yang balik awal dikira PEMALAS), I yang degil ni nak balik jugak on time akan dipandang serong je. Haaa..tu apa namanya tu? Terpercik rasa cemburu kah mereka? Haduh..bantu lah mak cik dalam menangani masalah sebegini. Puas dah I buat tak tau, buat tak layan tapi penat jugak nak telan semua nih. 

Selagi telinga ni dapat menahan, maka akan ku tahan Jebat! Berusaha!! (baca macam alih bahasa cerita Jepun tau).

Have you ever?

Ceeewaah, entry title macam tajuk lagu pulak. I remembered that Mr. H dulu pernah gave me this song. Oh terharu!

Ok, this is not about song, it's about pernah tak korang face situation where your surrounding semua, ok not all but mostly negative minded people. Kalau tak negative sangat pun at least orang tu typical type of person? How? Let me give example on what happen to me.

I work in a company yang mana all the staff are Meleis. This is my second company yang semua nya Meleis. Current co. ok sikit lah dari yang first, tapi Meleis will be Meleis. Abis ko tu bukan Melayu? Yes, I admit that I'm purely Malay tiada kacukan mana-mana. Kacukan ayah dan mak je lah. Tapi apa yang I notice is cara pemikiran orang-orang kita ni somehow masih lagi terlalu kolot. Sometimes we are not open to changes. Takut menghadapi perubahan, takutkan benda baru or maybe dah terlalu lama berada dalam 'comfort zone'.

Apa yang I kurang setuju is that pertamanya, sesiapa yang pulang tajam setelah tamat waktu bekerja akan di kira 'tak rajin'. Oh come on! I know some said that we are in developing country, memang macam tu. Tak boleh compare dengan negara yang dah maju or fully develop. Is it? Why not? Kenapa contoh yang baik tak boleh di ambil iktibar. I'm a person that believe in balance working life. Time kerja, kerja lah betul-betul. Time balik, means balik lah. Berapa lama lagi nak tercongok kat office tu? It's true that dekat United Kingdom nun jauh di sana tu siapa yang balik lambat di kira tak efficient. Kenapa kita tak boleh adapt the same thing. Ini tidak, the longer you stay means hardworking. I've tried so many times untuk tegakkan pendapat I ni but in the end memang I dapat susah la.

Sekarang teknologi dah makin canggih, it'll help cepatkan sikit kerja. I honestly tak kisah if kena balik lambat sikit. Kerja tak siap, balik lambat sikit tak pe. If kerja dah siap, nak mengadap PC kat office tu kenapa lagi? Kalau hari-hari? Apa ingt life ni is about work je ke. Sekarang I dont have kid lagi. Boleh lah lagi nak balik lambat sikit everyday. nanti dah ada anak, I'm not willing to sacrifice my time for work. Come on, 8 hours straight anak tu orang lain jaga, takkan lah tak nak balik cepat and tengok muka anak? Believe me money cant buy you time. Being able to raise baby kita with our own hand walaupun kita dapat that time hanya selepas office hour. Kalau macam tu berhenti kerja and duduk rumah jaga anak je lah. Yes, how I wish I can!

I wonder kenapa orang kita still ada that kind of thinking. Yang pelik nya mereka semua ni ada anak. Sekarang world is getting challenging! Budak sekarang beberapa jam selepas lahir je dah bukak mata tau! Anak-anak ni, belum lahir lagi dah di ajar mendengar, melihat, merasa. Dah keluar je perut mommy dah ada dah books, toys untuk stimulate the baby, untuk baby belajar membaca. By the age of 5 month dah ada yang boleh membaca. Zaman dah berubah. Penat lah I cuba let them know. Tapi thinking dorang ni terlalu typical!.


Ada yang kata kesian baby tu celik je mata dah kena belajar but what they didnt know is that baby nak all that. Time dorang ni baby lah masa terbaik untuk dorang absorbs all the info. Otak dorang bagaikan sponge at the age of 0-6 years old. Kenapa kita tak gunakan masa itu untuk ajar mereka, serapkan terapkan dengan segala ilmu yang boleh. Majority humans ni cuma menggunakan 2% je dari otak mereka (I hope info ni betul. I pernah terbaca somewhere). Tengok betapa besarnya capacity otak kita ni.


See how times fly. Sure ada yang kata, dulu I kerja lebih je time tapi anak I masuk 'U', study bagus je. Kenapa you tak boleh buat camtu. Betul, I tak nafikan tapi hey, anak I ke anak you sekarang ni? Doesnt mean I kena ikut what you did dulu my kid akan jadi mcm yours.


Ok dah banyak tersasar ni. The main point here is, kalau kerja I siap, apa salah I kalau balik on time. It shouldnt be a problem kan. Kenapa begitu pemikiran mereka? Why? WHy? Why?

Another reason will continue in my next entry.

Guilty!

Hari ni bangun seperti biasa, solat kemudian siapkan bekalan untuk Mr. H breakfast di office, sent him off to work (hantar dekat pagar je) then bersiap to work. Macam hari-hari lain sometimes I take a cup of milk before off to work. Jadi hari ini is 1 of the day lah.

 

 

During my shower perut dah rasa semacam. Sesampai je kat office terus meluru ke toilet. Tak sakit perut pun cuma ada rasa nak pass gas tapi tiba-tiba terus macam nak tercirit. Selang 10minit I repeatedly ke toilet. Within 1 hour adalah dalam 5 kali. Semua nya 'watery' je yang keluar. I started feeling tired. Dalam hati dah nekad, sekali lagi ke toilet memang I balik and see the doc. Hmm..There goes another trip to the toilet.

Angkat bag and ask for leave dengan my bos and off to see the doc. The doc said I makan tak on time (true! Kat office I susah nak cari tempat makan. I malas nak keluar panas terik and look for food pun). Angin sudah masuk and dah jadi gastrik. Danggg..Apa yang lagi menakutkan - to me lah, when doc said..

"Your baby needs food. So dia akan send signal to your body that dia perlukan food. At the same time, baby akan absorb whatever nutriens or food yg needed for the baby dari you. Jadi body akan merembeskan asid dengan harapan food is coming in untuk mendigestkan food tu untuk your baby. Bila tak dapat your BABY AKAN STRESS" - trust me masa this word being used, berderau darah I. Poor my baby! Guilty sangat ok!. "When the demand for food is there tapi food nyer takde, tu yang menyebabkan you feel bloated je because the gas from the asid is filling ur stomach. You kena consume food in small portion and kerap. Makan every 2 hours. Tak kisah lah roti ke biskut ke as long as your stomach is filled with food"

OMG! I was worried sick - memang sakit pun sebab tu dapat MC hari ni. It's my fault! Tak makan or makan lambat - consider tak makan jugak, makes my baby stress. Agaknya itulah sebab during last scan tu nampak mukanya monyok je. I was so down sebab I sendiri yang penyebab nya and the effect is on the baby! Tuhan je tau how sad I am. Risaunya. Mulai sekarang I'll eat every 2 hours. Lapar ke tak lapar ke kena makan jugak. Kesian to this lil baby.

I wonder lah macam mana orang tergamak nak membuang anak sedangkan dia yang kandungkan sendiri anak tu selama 9 bulan. I yang baru 6 month pregnant ni pun terasa sangat GUILTY and SEDIH all because tak makan on time and buat baby stress dalam tummy ni. How could they? Uwaaaa...sedih tau.

 

 

Maid oh maid

(Picture source : Googled)



The first question that pops in my head is, 'Apa yang bestnya having maid?'. I tak tahu lah orang lain tapi I dont really like having maid. Maybe to orang lain, having maid meringankan beban kerja di rumah tapi to me, entah lah. Maybe jugak I have experience yang tak menggembirakan sangat having maid.

Being raised by a fulltime housewife mom made me feel like having maid is not necessary pun. I pernah jugak tengok fulltime working mom not having any maid tapi still mampu untuk handle the house but then the kids were sent to a caretaker or nursery lah. I admit it must have been hard to the mom sebab balik kerja kena kemas rumah or masak, then esok pagi before leaving to work kena cuci kain and jemur semua. It's possible with a help of husband kan? Jadi why take maid? Then again the answer is very subjective. Masing-masing ada own views and opinion. I tak salah kan siapa-siapa.

The thing is I'm staying with my MIL together with my SIL and her family. Yes, 1 big happy family under 1 roof. So far there have been no problem pun. Semua ok and baik-baik saja. Cuma nya I never like the maid's work. Seriously, I tak suka. In terms of her cook, I can take it but in terms of housework, I really dont like it! Mungkin juga I'm comparing the work done by maid and my mom, of course tak sama sebab mom do it with all her heart because rumah tu rumah dia, baju tu baju dia, dia tau susah payah nak kluar duit nak membeli nya. Main never appreciate it. Trust me! NEVER!

First she (the maid) cuci baju tak pernahnya wangi - I wonder why.


My SIL pernah overheard dia merungut pasal kena buat kerja itu ini. Come on, you are being paid for it ok!


She never appreciate barang orang. Ada a few of my baju yang terbakar dekat bahagian gambar tu - you know what I mean kan?


Always macam tantrum bila macam kitorang buat makan-makan and her workload lebih dari biasa.


Owh and sometimes dia cuci pinggan pun tak bersih mana.


Kalau kerja rumah macam mopping ke sweeping ke I tak nak komen sangat lah. Huhu.


Jadi either the maid tu memang bukan jenis yang 'ok' to some of you or I yang banyak songeh.


Apa-apa pun I dont think I'm gonna get a maid if we have move t our own place.


I just dont trust outsider and having someone you dont trust in your home memang akan mengundang pelbagai negative thought. Jadi, it's a NO NO!

My baby you...

Ahaaa..

My baby you are the reason I could fly...

Haha..semalam tengok Persandingan Kayangan Dr. S.M.S. The wedding ceremony tu ada lagu Marc Anthony nih. I cakap, "sayang..lagu wedding kita" to Mr.H and he said "wedding kita tak keluar TV, plus I'm no angkasawan pun". Olololo..terharu! Hehehe. He might not be angkasawan negara but he's the father of my baby ni plus he's everything to me, my bestest friend, my shoulder to cry on, my punching bag, my heart and soul and my strength. Lagi hebat dari angkasawan kan? Hehehe. I bet he knew though I tak cakap kat dia directly.

Ok, last entry I promise nak upload gambar my lil kiddy in my tummy ni kan? Here's the baby, yang bagi i strength to face segala ke'tension'an di office ni (not always). My pillar untuk keep the positive energy in me. Just like father dia. I love you both!

So cute dari dalam tummy lagi.

Nanti keluar dari perut mommy jangan naughty-naughty tau sayang. Be good, belajar rajin-rajin, jadi someone yang better dari mommy. U can do anything that you want but do it with all your heart n make sure jangan separuh jalan tau! Hehe, sempat lagi berpesan kat si tecik ni.

I perasan something, semakin dekat dengan due, semakin I feel stronger and sayang to this kiddy. Kuat semangat walau how hard I dengar cerita orang sakit nak bersalin but everytime I look at my baby, i feel stronger! I yakin boleh deliver normal. InsyaALLAH. Doakan lah ye.

I like this picture. Nampak sgt cumel macam tgh asleep je. Tenang je tengok. Harap-harap, dah keluar nanti pun akan menenangkan hati mommy.

Owh this is the best picture. My favourite!

My baby you~