Dan sebenarnya...

Ya, dan sebenarnya ini bukan entri about Yuna- Dan Sebenarnya tau. Saje letak picture dia just because i like her jacket. Huhu~

Dan sebenarnya draft after draft after draft have I made but none of I I post. Bukan tak mau finish what I've start but more to takde mood nak tengok balik and amend here and there or even add up apape. Jadi kesudahan nya terbengkalai je. Lately ni memang takde mood at all. Works are hiking up. Time pulak never seems enough to me. Kadang-kadang I wish to have more night time to spend more quality time with my son and have lotsa time more for myself. If only I can devide myself into 2. If only lah kan? Anak needs more time with his mommy, tapi apa dayaku kerja tak berapa mengizinkan. Mommy terpaksa pretend rajin sebab nak KPI tinggi balik lambat just because dengan cara tu je dorang judge you bagus ke tak bagus kerja. Crap kan? Ya tell me about it.

Dan sebenarnya its gonna be a long entry nih. Entry luahan perasaan. Perasaan seorang mommy.

#1

Dan sebenarnya i feel like a total failure for not being able to fully breastfeed my baby. Susu kurang, tak cukup susu, production susu sikit or whatever they call it, the supply didnt meet the demand of my baby. I dont know why, I dont know if it's me or not. Entah lah, dah tak de rezeki kot but mommy will not simply give up ya. Perah je setiap hari selagi ada and selagi keluar. Mommy keeps praying for the milk supply ada selama yang mungkin. I'll feed him with my milk or whats left with me till the last drop. Tak pe lah nak tak dapat banyak, sikit pun jadilah ye.

#2

Dan sebenarnya...sometimes I feel rimas. Rimas dengan interference from both side of parents. I feel so berdosa saying this, but hey this is just me spilling out on how i felt. Baik my side baik Mr.H's side. Sama je semua! No offense ye. True that somehow, sometimes we really needed our parent as a guideline for us. Need their advice, need their help but at the same time, we dont need them at all. Confusing? Yeah, me too. I need them and I dont need them. Cane tuh? Made up your mind gurl! Ok maybe I can put it this way, I need their help and advice but I needed it for me to do it on my own. Not telling me what to do and what's not. Not telling me it's not the right way to raise your kid. I dont need that. I need an opinion, I need them to share their experiences. Not simply do whatever they think right for my baby. Kecik hati ok! Come on, give your kid a little trust here. I'm a mother now. I need to learn to raise my kid myself. I need not to repeat their mistakes in raising kids so that the next generation will be better than us. Kalau keep doing apa yang nenek moyang kita dok buat dulu, sampai bila nak berkembang. Improvise ye..Improvise! Not that apa yang dibuat turun temurun tu tak bagus. Yang bagus kita amiklah. Yang tak bagus tu eloklah kita tinggalkan. Pening ok dealing with all these. Tapi I tak  tau nak buat cane. Dan sebenarnya, lebih banyak lagi dari apa yang tersurat di sini.

#3

Dan sebenanya...saya sangat penat nak pretend and trying my best to fit in with this environment kerja. Dan sebenarnya...stress kerja memang tak boleh kita lari. Hadaplah walau camne pun. Redha je. Dan sebenarnya setelah I  menaip sampai sini, terus rasa takde mood nak cite pasal kerja ni. Terlalu banyak mengundang negative vibes lah. Lagi pun nanti haku buat dosa pulok mengata depa-depa yang kat sini. Baik lah tak yah.

#4

Dan sebenarnya...diri ini sudah lapar kerana sudah sampai waktu makan. Oleh itu, I'm off to lunch ye peeps. Thanx for reading, if  you manage to read up to this point. Haha..Thank you. I really appreciate it.