No more facebook!

Facebook is like a magnet kan? No, it's more than that. It's a NEED now. Everywhere facebook, everything also facebook. Yeap..it's a part of ourlives nowadays.

As for me now, facebook is very stressful! So I've decided not to facebook-ing for a few days. At least till i give birth to this lil ones. Kenapa stressful? I tell you why.

I posted statuses of what I've been doing or thinking at the moment.

>> people replied with the question which i donno the answers

I posted pictures 

>> they comment on it with question which i donno the answers as well

I posted comments on pictures of them

>>they still ask that bloody question which I donno the answers!!

Depressing and stressful ke tak? Sila bagitau? So, no more facebook to me! Follow me on twitter kalau nak tau status I. I really need a peace of mind right now. To tell you the truth, I dont mind the questions actually. It's not your fault. I've been in the place where we wanted to know what's the status now. It's me that cant take it because me too been asking the same question over and over again.

Karang bila dah sampai masa karang, tak terkata apape baru tau.Hehee~

Right now, lets just not update anything on facebook yet. Tweet me @y4yemma for updates.

Sorry for the red ink.

Overdue

It has been 4 days since my estimated due date. Berbagai perception..dari salah calculation, baby comfy dalam perut, it's not the time yet, need to pay extra attention ke macam-macam lagi lah.

Penat~

Yes penat. Not that I penat carrying this baby inside of me, yang tu memang sudah pasti but any mother would not mind at all. Malah lebih happy. Penat dengan berbagai perception and soalan yang is the baby not coming out lagi? I wish i knew and i can answer each of the question. Unfortunately I cant. All i can is talk to the baby so that it's ok if he's not coming out yet but tak mau lah sampai memudaratkan him and me. It's better for me to take care of him outside the womb than inside.

And so there's an option for that which is to induce. Sounds simple je at first, tapi entah kenapa tergerak hati pulak nak buat some study on it. At least I know what will I be going through IF I choose to have myself induced kan? I wanna know what to expect jugak because all these while I thought that I dont mind waiting a bit longer than the due date for the baby to come out. Turns out waiting memang pressure! Pressure wondering how will it be, how will it feel, how this and that. Tired of waiting and guessing I think it's a sign of the baby coming out. Sekali false alarm. Penat tau. Then while working at the office nak kena menghadap question and reaction orang-orang sekeliling yang keep on asking and telling you what to do bila dah overdue ni.

Oh ya, people keep saying banyakkan jalan! Bagi cepat sikit bukak lah itu lah ini lah. I've been walking 5km every weekend sampai melecet lah tapak kaki but nothing! No signs at all. Bikin penat je lagi adalah. It's ok..Im still open for any suggestions. 

Oh well, if any of you yang waiting for the time to come like me, feel free to read how does the induce process will take place. At the mean time, I hope I dont have to induce as I want everything goes naturally. Kalau dah takdo pilihan, tak pelah as long as the baby is safe. It is all that matters to me.

There's thing not worth looking back

Oh yes, ada banyak benda yang tiba-tiba nak diperkatakan.

Kesal, yes that's the word I have been looking for. Memang kesal sangat. I have blog about this before kot, tak ingat dah. Hehe.

I have a friend, used to be my best friend. At least I thought she is. Suddenly, things became sour and I dont know what went wrong. Dah tried reaching her but failed. Then I decided to email her saying sorry and hoping things getting better between us. Unfortunately, I dont think she wanted to be friend with me anymore. 

Then i guess that's it. No more friendship. I really am sorry for things Ive said that have hurt her feelings. I thought she knew me better. 

Oh well..I'm not looking back now. Im moving forward and Im not going to regret it. Yes, maybe it's my fault for saying things that hurt her feelings and yes I regretted things ive said but if you still giving me the silent mode, then i guess im tired of your game. 

My emotional day

Pernah tak korang rasa like you just dont care anymore about others, about working life korang and you just wanna be where you are now and just not thinking about any of it except for yourself?

Today is my day. 

Tak tau kenapa sangat emosi hari ni. The thing is, I feel so responsible dengan my work at the office and at the same time I just feel like I dont give a damn at all. Complicated? Yeah, I thought so too. I want to be a person with good reputation dengan my work. I mean good record and all. Nak give my very best. Tell me how I can be that person if I cant even feel happy coming to work?

My company is not such a big company pun, but quite well known in construction line. Overall, I like being there. Ape nih kejab suka kejab tak, confusing lah. Yeap, me also confuse dengan myself. I like the overall about the company I just dont like my department.

I was with the company's subsidiary before then got transferred to HQ. Lucky me, the benefits are better. I really appreciates it but things started to go sour from day to day. Tak boleh balik on time because orang lain semua balik at least 7pm everyday, i was told that the workload are heavy so they usually go home late than the working hours. Bukan saya tak mau balik lambat, tapi i have live to live. Tolong lah, It has been 8 hours dah dedicate time i untuk work, cant I just go home when the time comes and spend it with my love ones? 

Tak boleh main internet during kerja, fine! I open my email during lunch hour. Tak boleh selalu texting, tak boleh nak sembang sangat, buat kerja kena committed, buat kerja kena focus, buat kerja kena efficient, cepat. I have tried my best but it doesnt seems enough. Ada je yang salah, ada je yang nak kena point out during meeting. Sometimes I look back at myself, betul ke I always like that? Betul ke Im not efficient enough? Betul ke? At 1 time, i just dont give a damn anymore. I feel so tired trying to be like they want me to be. Good employee, efficient employee, balik lambat employee. I just cant take it anymore. 

I have no friend there, I mean in my department..I have no friend. I dont trust any of them because everyone doesnt look like they can be trusted. I have tried befriended with them but they are at my moms age! I donno what topic to talk, I dont like asking them about their kids, about their lives or anything that is related at their age. Im a mother-to-be, excited to have a new person in lives, excited to have new experience where they already been thru all that phase. Sometimes you get it from your mom the phrase like ' alaa, biasalah tu budak..tak yah manja kan sangat' or something yang cliche emak-emak selalu cakap tu. It just kill your mood. Having someone like you or your age will be much better kan? You can share your experience. Well sometimes you just want someone to talk to, share the excitement and when you need an advice, Im sure you'll turn to your mom jugak tapi bila you have like 3 or 4 like your mom kat office tu, tak ke tension? 

I'm not saying that these senior shouldnt be working anymore, it's just that 'arrgghhh..dont turn me into 35yo person when Im still at my 20's'..Do you get what i mean? Ahh~ sungguh complicated. Life is complicated. Entah lah~ sometimes I feel like I'm the one with problems not them. Konon not blaming sape-sape. I guess if you cant join them, just get the hell out of there. Imma do it after the confinement. I just cant take it anymore. Everyday it drain my positivity out of me. Penat..Penat absorb everything. My head sometimes feels like want to explode!

Am I guilty?

Today dah overdue by 2 days dah. It means my baby dah lebih 9 bulan 10 hari by 2 hari dalam perut mommy nya. 

I have not start taking leave yet but dah memonteng 2 hari dah ni. Semalam got an MC and hari ni memang terasa sangat-sangat lah malas nak pergi kerja because i know what they'll say and to be honest, quite stress jugak bila jumpa semua staff and they'll say 'aik, tak meletopz lagi kau?' 'eh, still here?' 'tot dah bersalin dah'...Arghhh..tekanan tau. I know maybe some of them is just concern (being positive ka?) maybe some of them is just saying (yang kau touching sangat tu kenapa).

Hmm...the baby is move less and less. Though I got that normal count which is at least 10 kicks per day, but the kicks are going less and less. Im worried hell!! I always ask my baby to come out quick. Am i guilty for that? Not that I dont like him being in there, it's just I'm worried sick if anything happens to him inside of me. I'll be blaming myself forever kalau macam tu. 

I've decided to have me induce in these couple of days. If tak boleh tunggu lagi, then I guess the baby will come out earlier. Remember baby, not that i dont like you in me or feeling such a burden to have u in me..i just want you out and healthy without me worrying what will happen to you inside.

I hope everything will be ok.