Anger Management

Handling Anger

You have probably had some experiences that have left you with feelings of intense anger. Almost everyone experiences anger from time to time. Anger is a powerful, but completely healthy, human emotion that we naturally experience in response to frustration, hurt, disappointment, annoyances, harassment, and threats to our security.

We usually tend to think about anger as a negative emotion, but anger can actually be helpful. It can energize us and motivate us to overcome obstacles, solve problems and achieve goals we never thought we would realize. However, if we fail to deal with our anger constructively and effectively, it can propel us into inappropriate, aggressive, or create additional problems for us. Prolonged anger that is not dealt with and appropriately expressed is extremely stressful and can result in high levels of tension and anxiety, health problems and increased accidents. It is important that you understand anger, how it affects you, how you respond to it, and how you can handle it.

What happens when you get angry?

When you are angry, your body reacts just like it does to stress. Your heart beats faster to pump increased oxygen, adrenaline, and sugar into your bloodstream. Your breathing becomes more rapid, your blood pressure rises, and your muscles tense. Your body is energized for action. In looking for a way to release tension you might yell or shout, slam things, pound your fist. You might take action or you might try to hold your anger in. However, if you do not find a way to release your tension you risk building up your anger to a level that is dangerous and difficult to control. Cognitively, your thoughts about others may become irrational and you may generate negative self- statements. These negative thoughts usually serve to increase your anger.

What causes you to get angry?

We cognitively interpret most of our life experiences; how we interpret a situation influences how much anger we might experience. There are many types of circumstances that can cause a person to become angry:

• Frustration.

Frustration occurs when you are blocked from doing what you want to do or from going where you want to go. It is a feeling of helplessness and loss of control.

• Disappointment.

You are disappointed when situations, events, or people, including yourself, do not meet the expectations you have for them.

• Threat to our sense of security.

Situations that threaten your security like doing poorly on an exam, losing your wallet, or encountering a problem you’re not prepared to deal with can leave you feeling vulnerable and angry.

The common thread that runs through all of these situations is another emotion, fear. Anger is an emotion that is the result of fear. It is a defensive response to the feelings of helplessness and vulnerability that fear produces. While fear is a passive emotion with energy directed inward, anger is an aggressive emotion that allows you to direct energy outwards.

Sometimes there are more subtle causes of anger. Some believe that being aggressive is an effective way to get their way. Many have not learned to deal with conflict assertively. Some use anger to displace their feelings of guilt. Finally, some people get angry because they overreact or misinterpret a situation.

Everyone experiences anger. The ability to express negative feelings in a constructive and positive manner is essential to positive physical and mental health. Listed below are steps you can take to express and handle your anger effectively.

· Recognize your anger.

Admit to yourself that you are angry. Know how you are when you get angry. What are the signs?

· Calm down.

The old adage of "take a deep breath and count to ten" really works. Tell yourself that you can deal with the situation more effectively if you are calm. Decide not to act on the situation until you have calmed down.

· Use a sounding board.

If there is a neutral person you can talk to about why you are angry, it may help you to determine if you are interpreting the situation accurately.

· Identify your fears.
What fears has the source of your anger caused?
· Reappraise the situation.

Give yourself a chance to see if the situation that caused your anger is as bad as you first thought.

· Don't avoid the issue.

Don't allow anger to build up and interfere with later situations or circumstances. After you have reappraised the situation decide to confront it or let it go.

· Examine your options.

Identify the different ways you might respond to the situation and the potential outcomes that might result.

· Decide how you will respond.

Determine the response that will result in the most positive outcomes for you and others over the long run.

· Respond assertively rather than aggressively.

Express yourself firmly without making insulting remarks or trying to put someone on the defensive. Work to resolve the problem rather than to win.

· Learn to fight fairly.

If someone has done or said something to make you angry, tell them that it has and that you want to discuss it. State specifically what the person has said or done, why it has made you angry, and what you expect to rectify the situation. Ask the person if he or she understands why you are angry and to state his or her understanding of the situation. Ask the person to work with you toward a resolution of the problem.

· Avoid displacing your anger.

Because the energy of anger wants to be released, there is a tendency to displace anger onto people who are not the source of your anger. This will only make things worse. If you are angry with a business, agency, office or department, ask to talk with someone in charge to express your anger. Avoid displacing your anger onto an unsuspecting clerk.>>jgn lepaskan perasaan kepada org yg tak bersalah ek! syian mereka

· Use desensitization for recurring anger.

Sometimes when you become very angry about a situation or with another person, you may experience feelings of anger each time you encounter the person or situation again. Your anger response is automatic and learned and can interfere with your ability to act cooperatively in future circumstances. A counselor can teach you desensitization methods to eliminate your automatic anger response. >>owh..so true!! i cannot see the person who made me so angry until today! Tahap marah sampai benci ok..hmm..so,kena p jumpa councelor lah ni ek?hehehe

· Use humor, physical exercise or other enjoyable activities to release pent-up anger.

Sometimes you experience minor irritations or problems that cannot be resolved, or the timing is not right to confront the source of your anger. Finding constructive ways to release your tension can help you to move on or to deal more effectively with the source of your anger when the time is right.>> betul²! it works..bile marah buat lawak sarcastic dgn kwn² or p bersenam..i pernah buat..in my case p cuci keta..keta bersih jiwa pun tenang..hehehe

· Seek help.

If you have difficulty handling your anger in a constructive and effective manner, talk with a friend or a counselor.>>talk to ur friend-yg boley dipercayai ek!..u rs relief sgt nanti..tahnx to my friend(s)-u know who u are, for supporting me through ups n downs. i love u lots!

Remember:
Learn to recognize the signs of your anger. Understand the reasons for your anger. Find constructive and healthy ways to express your anger.

This article was picked from here.